All time low

Today was a little better than one of my normal days, but I think that it's just because work kept me busy enough that I couldn't get sad like I do when I have time to think. It's not so easy to keep myself distracted at home and I've found that, when left for long enough, I become very down and at times I'll even start crying for no reason at all that I can think of. I would like to start going to counselling soon, but with my work schedule and school starting soon I don't know when I'll be able to fit it in. I want to start trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone, but as the name suggests I feel much safer not doing anything where I might be forced to develop relationships with strangers and I think it will be difficult for me to become more outgoing as I am now. Its funny that the thing that I don't want to do the most is also the thing that may make me feel better. I feel quite lonely now many people I know are in the room with me. I've learned to live with the emptiness throughout my life, but I'm just so sick of it. No  how matter how much I tell myself I have friends and family and that I'm not lonely the feeling persists. For now I can only hope that I can keep up the distractions so that I can keep going as though nothing is wrong.